I know that most of the time when I write something it’s all fun and games and some how I always find a way to make things comical. Well, this subject I’m writing about is not funny in any way at all and I won’t spend time being twisted and coming up with a way to present this in a comical way.
Suicide is too serious to be funny. I wanted to write something to support others who have lost someone or to that person that is contemplating committing suicide. Who am I to write about this? Well, I’ve lost an uncle to suicide who hung himself and when that happened I was confused and angry at the same time. I couldn’t figure out why someone would do that and leave behind others that love them to mourn over their loss.
An even bigger connection I have with suicide is I almost committed it myself three times during the darkest part of my life. The sad thing is that not many people realized that I was close to going thru with it.
There came a time where I was at my highest weight and I couldn’t even function as a normal human being. I was in a very bad mental state. I would wake at times and not be sure I wasn’t already dead. Each day started melting together and warping into something I couldn’t recognize anymore. I looked around and saw everyone else living life and moving forward to better themselves while I became closer and closer to being stuck in my bed and not able to get up.
I drank alcohol, which didn’t help with the depression at all. It actually gave me the courage to almost go thru with my first attempt at suicide. I thought, “if I’m not a real person then why am I even alive?”
I would cry and hold all these things inside. I had given up the fight against obesity. Each day I was in pain. My joints and my back hurt the most making it hard to walk even 1 block. Every single activity that I had to conduct just to have a normal day (showering, shopping, going out) these things took too much energy. It was easier to just sit around and pretend like every thing was okay.
But when it finally all collapsed inside I wanted out. I had given up and I was so close to killing myself that the only reason I didn’t do it was because I had become so big that I was too embarrassed of how big I was even in death I didn’t want the coroner to make fun of my fat body. I didn’t want my friends and family to see me in some huge piano box or something since I couldn’t fit in a normal sized casket. There were stupid thoughts of setting my truck on fire and getting inside it, driving it off a bridge…. All these different ways to take the easy way out.
One day I woke up and started working on my situation. One small step at a time I talked with a health coach and built my way mentally back to a great state. I started taking vitamins and doing something about my eating problem.
Take it from someone who almost killed himself various times… I am so glad that I never did. From the things I’m going to accomplish and the goals I have already reached this early into my journey. I love life so much. That was why I was so depressed before… I love life so much and want to do nothing but to entertain and make others happy. But when I became to the point where I wasn’t functional and couldn’t be who I really am in the inside anymore… I lost my mind.
I never thought I could be pushed to that point but I understand what my uncle went through. I finally know what it’s like to be at end of your wits and feel like you’re so alone and nobody could ever understand your troubles.
Here’s my answer to that… you always have someone who understands. This world is too large for you to be the only person with your problem! You are not alone. If every single person in the world shuts you out come to me because I will never turn someone away. I want to support anyone going thru a rough time in anyway I can because it only takes one good deed and you could save a life. Teach others that life is beautiful and there is a reason we are born and put here on this earth.
Don’t shut others out and make them feel alone.There is nothing wrong with feeling down about things. We are only humans. But there is no reason to take your own life. Life is precious and if you kill yourself you kill your dreams, you kill your future and you kill a little part of the people’s heart that love you! You are not alone and you are loved. Life will always have it’s hardest moments but we are constantly surrounded by great people who want to support and help you make it through!
Although there are people that do bad things on this earth… I believe that the average person understands and has a heart. I believe that average person is willing to help a fellow man. If you saw someone on a bridge about to jump and kill themselves wouldn’t you take a moment to try to talk them out of it? Or would you just let them jump? The same thing applies to if you know someone is going thru a rough time. Please look for the signs and always communicate with the ones you love. You could save a life. It goes the same for the person in need. Please don’t feel like nobody wants to listen. How will you ever know if you just hold it all inside? Look for support first before you jump to the conclusion that nobody cares.
You are beautiful. Life is beautiful. Live life to the fullest because you really don’t know how much time you have on this earth…but don’t be foolish and cut your time short. Accomplish great things. Take the first step in living the rest of your life in happiness.
Matt implores you to reach out for help and support, including at his own support pageat www.facebook.com/fattunit
You might know or have heard of Matt from an episode of MTV's Catfish. However, Matt is more than just a pretty face and is a very approachable person. Follow him at twitter.com/fattunit or go to his Facebook page and chat with him!